Rebel's Kitchen: The lure of the macaron...she's a saucy wench, that one.

Salted Caramel, Blackberry, Red Cream Soda, Bacon Maple, Ketchup, Cookie Dough, Black Sesame Lemon and Pale Ale with a Corn Nut in the center!

Cupcakes, Macarons, the Cronut, Rustic Galettes, Eclairs...food fads are constantly evolving and offer a baker a constant challenge. And a reason to love/hate Dominique Ansel.

I decided to teach myself to make Macarons a few years ago because someone told me it was too hard to do. That's really all it takes for me. Tell me I can't and I will.

Hot Air Balloon Macarons for BalloonFest!

The first thing you should know is that a Macaron and a Macaroon are two very different things. They're not even distant cousins except for the fact that both are usually Gluten Free. A Macaroon, pronounced just as it's spelled, is a gummy pile of shredded coconut that leaves you chewing bits of coconut left in your mouth for a long time after you've eaten the cookie. Sometimes, I refer to this as "coconut cuticle cud" but that grosses people out.

Macarons, pronounced 'mack-uh-run', are wonderfully light cookies sporting meringue shells made of egg whites, almond flour and sugar. They are filled with anything and everything from buttercream to fruit curd to ice cream. They're usually sweet but if you have a friend or family member (say, a cousin, maybe) who is violently opposed to sweet desserts, you can make them savory. French Onion Macarons are wonderful but confusing if you expect this tan cookie with white filling to taste like salted vanilla caramel and, instead, get a vague chips-n-dip flavor.

Soon-to-be Watermelon Macarons

There are a few different techniques in making Macarons - specifically French and Italian. The Italian method requires you to heat a sugar syrup to a very specific temperature and has almost no room for error. If you're accident prone like me, the less you have to deal with hot sugar syrup, the better. So, I use the French method. This makes my doctor happiest.

After several failures, I finally figured out the secret. I'll share my tips with you but there's a caveat. They're not always going to work because the recipe and its success are largely based on your equipment, experience, ingredients, attention to detail and if you've broken a mirror recently. Sorry, not sorry.

Sharknado macarons!

I adore the Not So Humble Pie blog and I follow one of her recipes pretty closely. Her French Macaron recipe uses these ingredients in these amounts. Not So Humble Pie Blog

Not So Humble Macarons v3.0128
yields approximately 50 cookies
5g dehydrated egg white powder
28g granulated sugar
225g confectioners (powdered) sugar
125g almond meal
100g aged egg whites

To achieve success (if you're me, in my kitchen and using my equipment) read through my notes. If you're not me, using my equipment and my kitchen, apply these notes to your own circumstances and get to baking.

Please remember when you're prying dried macaronage out of your hair and off of the ceiling that I warned you.

So, here are my notes on the conception, gestation and birth of Macarons at home. This is gonna be long. I'll wait while you grab an iced coffee and a comfy chair.

Start by putting parchment on two half-sheet pans. You can trace circles or eyeball it. I'm too lazy for tracing and my eyeballs are crooked so I can't win. I just offer "specially-sized" macs. The word 'uniform' need not apply. You can use silicon mats if you prefer; I just happen to like parchment. I don't have to wash as much.

REBEL NOTES:

0. Always use a scale. Always.

1. Start with almond flour. Don't grind your own nuts or use almond meal. Not at first anyway. Too much work and sometimes, too wet after grinding. And you will say words you've never said before when sifting and then regrinding almond nuggets.

2. Sift your almond flour and powdered sugar together into one bowl and make sure you have NO CLUMPS or nuggets.

3. Aged egg whites don't seem to matter much. The purpose of aging is to make them less snot-textured. But you can do this by zapping them in the microwave for 10 seconds, twice, about a minute apart.

4. Whip the egg whites for a few minutes at medium. Toss in the dried egg white and caster sugar mix, continue whipping until you get to firm glossy peaks but not a STIFF CLUMPED UP egg white ball on your whisk.

5. If you're using food color, whip it in at the end. A few good spins should blend it. Go a little darker than you would since you've still got the dry stuff going in that will dilute the color. Sometimes, a food dye will turn brown-tinged in the oven. It's not noticeable to most but if you're one of those people who never accidentally buys two left shoes or forgets a grocery bag at the check stand, maybe you should only buy heat-safe dyes.

6. If you really want to flavor the shells, you can add a little extract while blending the dry ingredients in. The true flavor comes from the fillings because they leach into the shells so coloring the shells gives them an idea of flavor without actually messing up your wet/dry ratio. Yay food psychology!

7. Dump the entire bowl of almond flour/confx sugar into your egg whites and slowly start folding them together. Some bakers say "fold exactly 28 times". That's kind of BS. What if you've got Popeye arms? Or, inversely, Olive Oyl arms? Bad advice. Fold slowly and deeply until the macaronage flops back onto itself in a wide thick ribbon and then slowly reabsorbs. Like pancake batter maybe? But thicker. You're looking for a wide ribbon that spools off your spatula back into itself, holds it's shape for few seconds and then melts back into the mix.

At this point, you're ready for piping. Take a moment to put your head between your knees and breathe deeply to steady yourself.

8. Put your pastry bag and #10 tip into a tall, wide cup that will hold it. Cuff the top of the bag to add stability. Before you put the bag in the cup, twist the bag near the tip to close it off and keep the macaronage from running out as you fill.

Big Dickey's Cup.
/snort.

9. Remember that you'll be breaking down the mix as you pipe so try not to overbeat it or over handle the bag. Don't fill it all the way full if it's not large enough. You'll need to be able to fold the top down and get a good grip in order to pipe fast and accurately. You can refill if you need to.

10. Pipe your shells onto the parchment. I usually make 1.5" circles which are larger than most bakeries. I just like them bigger. I usually get 20 per half sheet.

11. If your shells end up with little nipples, you didn't fold it quite long enough. No worries. Wet your finger and smash them down. This is extremely cathartic.

These aren't nipples, they're blackberries.
No smashing, please.

11a. Pick up the sheet and let it fall back to the counter from about six inches. I tend to whack mine pretty hard. This pulls air bubbles to the top and which you can also smooth with a wet finger. Do this four times, turning the sheet 90 degrees with each drop.

Extra NOTE: If you're irritated with your spouse, there is no need to give warning before these loud, startling slams. More cookie catharsis. Also, this will keep your dog far away from the kitchen.

12. Set oven to 300 degrees. I put a rack in the middle and a second rack just below it. On the middle rack, I put an inverted cookie sheet. I bake the macaron sheet resting on the inverted cookie sheet. It acts as a heat deflector. Also, I have an old, crappy electric oven. You may find yourself in a better oven socio-economic setting. I'd still use a shield though.

13. After piping, you MUST LET THEM SIT. They need a skin. This usually takes about 30 minutes depending on the humidity and weather, your house temperature, etc. If you can touch it and not get goo on your finger, the sheet is ready to go into the oven.

14. Bake for 20 minutes. You can test doneness by poking an offset spatula under one and see if it comes up easily. Or use your fingers if you're quick or, like me, no longer have sensation in your fingertips.

15. If the shell pops up fairly easily, take the sheet out and put the next one in. Let them dry/cool completely on the parchment before moving. If you get curious and try to lift one up, you may end up disemboweling it and that's a really sad thing because no matter how fast you slam it back together, it does not heal from this evisceration and you must eat it while it's piping hot and tongue-burning. This is your penance. Now don't touch the others, dammit.

Chocolate Shells - Look ma! Lots of feet!

16. Once they're dry, pop them up and start matching them up with their like-sized siblings.

17. You can pipe anything into them. Ganache, jam, jelly, curd, buttercream, toothpaste if it's April Fool's Day. Almost anything. I don't recommend deviled ham, though.

18. Let them set for 24 hours so the filling leaches into the shell. This makes them chewy. Serve at room temperature.

19. Note 18 is entirely voluntary and almost never heeded.

20. If you do not get "feet" - the frilly little edge of the cookie - then you likely did not wait until they had a good skin.

21. If you get feet that are huge and the shell doesn't really rise up, you waited too long and the skin was too heavy and the tiny dear had to go out instead of up.

22. If your shells are hollow after baking, you may have overbeaten the macaronage which can cause internal collapse. Or maybe you undercooked them. Both make you shamefully inhuman but you can recover. Fill them well and allow them to rest for 24 hours. They gum up nicely and the filling will mostly hide your hollows. You also have to pinky swear to do better next time.

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